Sunday, March 7, 2010

I Think It's Getting To The Point

Feb 26, 2010--Friday

Okay, today I had a moment. I felt this urge to get on the treadmill. I've wanted to for a while, but I always have an excuse, like, "I just showered," or "I should really clean--that's exercise," or "I just ate." But nope, today, despite taking a shower, doing my hair, and just eating--I pulled it back and allowed myself to get sweaty and risk throwing up my breakfast. I was listening to my new I-pod, and feeling these major surges of energy. I felt all this pent up stress releasing. It felt great, after weeks of locking myself hand and eyeball to my laptop for that LDS Storymakers First Chapter's Contest (which I won't win anyway.) The song came on "Call and Answer" by Barenaked Ladies and I turned it up, which is pretty radical for me. ;) I also took up the pace, and gave it all I had. I was lost in the music and the beat, and felt it was thumping directly to my heart. It was beautiful. So beautiful I wanted to cry. I felt peace, like I was myself again. I thought, man I'm a mess, what's wrong with me? I came to the conclusion it's because I hadn't heard beautiful sounds in a long time.

I think I'm sound sensitive. If you want to annoy me scream really loud for a long, long time. I can put up with a lot, but noises really start to bug me after a while. So, four kids is a challenge in patience at times. I've been spending a lot of time writing--perhaps too much time.

Last night, I actually slammed my laptop shut and told my husband, "I'm a stinky writer! I'm going to bed!" I was sick of reading my own work, hearing my ugly voice in my head. This was also after an hour and a half practice at Youth Symphony (not pretty sounding, hate to say, although good for everyone involved. And the kids crying and fighting all day. I was tired of listening to my nagging, begging, threatening voice. And the whiny answers. I have ugly-sounds-burn-out. Yup, that's what I'm going to call it. So, today I'm going to only listen to pretty sounds. I'm gonna talk nice, listen to nice music, and not write anything but this blog posting.

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